An Honest Christian Reflection On A “Too Busy” Life
I feel that I can safely say that I am doing a lot.
Like, a lot a lot.
Probably too much.
In my first draft of this, I listed all the things I was doing, but I realized that may give you a low-level of anxiety just reading it, so I’ve backtracked on that.
You’re welcome.
Even though I’m doing so much, I have practices in place in my life that should help keep me balanced.
Right?
My family and I practice Sabbath, where I do almost nothing for a full 24 hours (other than be a husband and father). I read the Word, pray, meet with community, stay off social media, have a consistent drip of good Bible teaching, eat healthy, drink lots of water, sleep well…
So I should have all the balance I need.
And yet… I still feel overwhelmed so very often.
I’ve asked God to take some of my responsibilities off my plate. That’s what I’ve been taught to do, to say “no” to some things in order to make space in my life.
And I just haven’t felt the Lord releasing me from any of the responsibilities that I find I have.
Which makes me feel stuck, like a man who has hit his limit and can’t do anything more to relieve the burden without finding myself acting out of a lack of trust for God.
Which I actually think is a good thing.
As a reaction to a life of hustle, I think there is a movement in some Christian circles to make our Apprenticeship to Jesus feel as if it shouldn’t be burdensome. Sort of like, “if you’re feeling exhausted and burnt out, you’re doing something wrong.”
The fact is, that may be true, but it isn’t a given.
There’s nuance to walking with Jesus.
It’s so true that Jesus tells us that his “burden is light” (Matthew 11:30b), but it’s also true that the writers of the New Testament are clear that this life will bring trials, so much so that we must “remain steadfast” (James 1:12) and “rejoice in our sufferings” (Romans 5:3-5).
What I’m getting at is that my feeling overwhelmed and exhausted may not be something I’m supposed to fix, nor may it be a sign I’m doing anything wrong.
Sometimes, despite the general conversation I hear in the Church today, we may just need to endure.
But then… what about burn out?
This is what I’m afraid of.
I’m only 31 and I’ve already had seasons in which I’ve worked myself to exhaustion and essentially checked out emotionally and physically.
What if I do that again?
As I’m writing, I’m considering the fact that this is where the nuance of walking with Jesus come in. It really is possible to be outside the will of God in our life by taking on more than He intended, and resulting in fully exhausting ourselves.
But, it’s also very possible to be within God’s will for our life and have our Father push us up to and through our perceived limitations.
I don’t know how, but I know that it’s the latter one in my life right now.
Right now, the Lord has just added a lot to my plate.
By my definition, too much.
And that’s forcing me into being someone new and different.
Currently, I have to set timelines that are more… relaxed.
As an example, I’m working on a book at the moment and I’m very focused on writing as often as possible. For a while, I was writing almost every day and I was moving things along quick. It felt good, blessed even.
Now, I’m down to two days a week.
It’s moving slow and it’s grating on me.
But I don’t feel that the Lord is impatient, just me. I don’t feel that the Lord is concerned or that I am outside of His will for this book, it’s just… me.
I feel impatient, frustrated, and tired, but… I think this is what was referring to when he says for us to “not become weary in doing good” (Galatians 6:9).
The thing is, I know that I’m weary in the doing what the Lord has called me to.
So… I have to change.
I have to become someone who can choose to be joyful, not stressed, and not tired despite what my circumstances should be.
And that’s what our column next week will be all about.
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