The band R.E.M. had a song called “Losing My Religion” In the early ’90s. The phrase refers to losing our temper and doing things that would cause us to no longer be accepted by traditional churches. The idea is that I’m going to get so mad at you that I do things that up till now I kept under control.
But that’s not what we’re talking about in the modern discussion of losing our religion. We’re not talking about making emotional decisions. Most people that are considering deconstruction and asking questions and looking for different answers are not just emotionally responding to what is happening in the Western churches.
As some have pointed out, these people fall into separate categories and may express themselves differently when describing their experience. I don’t want to go into all of those different categories, but let me just say that losing our religion doesn’t necessarily mean we’re losing our beliefs. We very well could be changing dramatically, but the simple thing that is changing dramatically is that we’re realizing that religion is not the central thing to preserve and often not necessary to evolve and thrive.
In our new book, Out Into The Desert, Laura and I took an honest look at some of these things. Did we never really need organized religion In the 21st century? I realized that some people may get stuck here and will hang on to religion like it is God. I understand the reasons for this and I have sympathy for them. But moving into the current age requires foresight and courage and honestly.
When we honestly evaluate the practices and ways of Western religion, not only does it come up short of achieving its goals, but much of it can be toxic and harmful. For those that are doggedly determined to white knuckle what we have, I can’t help you and I don’t want to argue with you. But for those who are asking questions, and hoping for something better in the years to come, please stay with me for a few more minutes.
1. Most of what we receive from religion very inefficiently can be obtained somewhere else.
Knowledge and information are no longer centralized. With the ability of the internet and things like Zoom,. access to information has never been easier. From sermons to music to counseling, everything that we find when we drive to church, can be found elsewhere (usually at no cost).
2. We have to get past the “special person” idea.
If you’re a Christian and follow the New Testament, you realize that it teaches that all of us within the Christian faith are priests, and according to some basic doctrine, we should have released the idea of the special person a long time ago. Whether we like it or not, what we like most about our pastors and priests these days is their entertainment value. It makes us feel a certain way, but that feeling doesn’t last.
3. The Money Thing
The last statistics I read said that the average religious person gives between $800 and $1400 a year to their chosen institution. I usually average this to $1,000. 70% of this money goes to salaries and buildings. The day that you realize we don’t need a building and we don’t need the clergy and their staff, whole new worlds open up.
Side note:. If your church has any size at all.the pastor you love so much will mostly not be available to you, doesn’t have the credentials to counsel you, and probably can’t relate very well to people with normal lives.
4. Admit the Addiction
Anything that alters our mood can be addictive. We love church because it makes us feel different, and the feeling subsides on Monday, so we go back the next week. Some of us do more. Hoping we will get more of that feeling. But to move forward, even if we’re going to stay in religion, we need to evaluate this codependency between clergy and parishioners and see if it’s ideal.
5. It’s possible to thrive
In addition to admitting that our current situation inside of religion might not be ideal, it is also important to at least consider that it may be possible to thrive without it. Someone encouraged us to take a gap year off. Once the addictions subsided, we realized it was possible to thrive without an organization. We found community, healing, nurture and many other benefits. It was different, it was simpler, It wasn’t easy at first, but it was worth it.
I know it’s easy to feel like I am bashing what you are doing. Hopefully you can accept that this is not my intention. Very simply, I know that many people have adapted into these traditions over the years and slowly just lost the awareness that many of these places are toxic and ineffective.
When I questioned my faith, I assumed that if God was anything, then He could handle my questions. I have to assume the same thing about religion. If it is viable and it is supposed to be the way that we do things, then it should survive some scrutiny. It should survive us taking a year off and evaluating it. If it can’t stand the scrutiny, it’s probably not what it says it is.
Be where you are,
Be who you are
Karl Forehand
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