I’m thrilled to have Fr. Henry Ogbuji as a guest blogger speaking about domestic violence from a ministerial perspective. Fr. Henry is one of the Church’s brave priests who isn’t shy about speaking out against domestic violence, and is the author of From Where Shall Come Our Help: The Lament of Abused Persons. From Fr. Henry Ogbuji: For a long time during her short life on earth, St. Theresa of Lisieux was troubled that she could contribute nothing to... Read more
Although a great deal of faithful Catholics don’t agree with a many of the stances and statements Pope Francis makes, in regards to exposing the evils of domestic abuse, he’s done an excellent job. On the 10th year anniversary of his papacy, now is the perfect time to recall some of the firm proclamations he’s made regarding the horror of violence within the home. Pope Francis has been one of the most outspoken Catholic leaders regarding the evils of domestic... Read more
Recently, during another press conference aboard the papal airplane, Pope Francis spoke about women’s equality. In one statement he’s quoted as declaring, “A society that is unable to put women in her [rightful] place does not move forward.” Just like Ephesians 5:22, this statement, when taken completely out of context, sounds quite incriminating. Is Pope Francis saying that we should, as a society, put women “in their place” by keeping them under the thumb of males? This is what what... Read more
It’s the age-old question, the one partners tend to focus on over and over, hoping beyond hope even as the abuse cycle churns yet again … Can an abuser change? My answer may surprise many, especially those who have read a lot of secular books and articles on domestic violence. Most secular writers take a very negative approach to this issue, especially those of the feminist-sociocultural approach. This theory of domestic violence — which tends to be the most popular — claims that abuse is... Read more
I’ve been asleep for a long time. Domestic violence tends to have that effect on a person. I’ve been entombed, like a stolen princess from one of Grimm’s fantasy tales. Yet sadly, this is no fantasy. It’s all too real, all too painful. I’ve enclosed myself in a glass casket, severed myself from society, secluded myself in a spell-infected forest of my own making. Nobody can find me here, nobody can touch me. Betrayal trauma does that to a victim. This... Read more
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month—Which is the Perfect Time to Review Catholic Teaching on This Crucial Epidemic Catholics are familiar with October as the month of the Holy Rosary as well as Respect Life month. However, it’s also important to remember that October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. This gives us the perfect opportunity to review what the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) teaches about violence within Catholic families. One out of every three women are or... Read more
Individuals suffering in an abusive relationship often isolate themselves. Self-isolation is caused by many reasons, too many to get into here — that’s a topic for another article. Here, all I need to say is that isolation leads to more confusion, self-blame, and an increased vulnerability to the gaslighting techniques of your abuser. One of the best ways to heal from this is to learn how to talk about your abusive relationship — but only with trusted friends. Talking to the... Read more
“Allow yourself to be loved! This is crucial, because the soul cannot live without love. The soul always wants to love something, because love is the stuff she’s made of, and through love God has created her” (St. Elizabeth of the Trinity and St. Catherine of Siena). Most of us (I hope) are very familiar with St. Paul’s words to the people of Corinth: “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love”... Read more
Spiritual abuse can be particularly difficult to deal with. Although there are many types of domestic abuse — not only physical, but emotional, psychological, verbal, sexual, and financial — spiritual abuse is particularly damaging because it can lead to a rupture in the victim’s relationship with God. Often, her spiritual life is the one anchor holding her together, and when that’s ripped from her, she can feel as if all is lost. But it isn’t. All isn’t lost, because spiritual... Read more
Psychological physical violence is a terrorizing type of abuse, especially when it happens within what should be the safety of your own home. Although it’s a term you may not be familiar with since it’s one I coined myself, the tactics may sound familiar to you. It’s not uncommon for physical violence in intimate relationships to be defined as an act causing the victim physical injury. Hitting, punching, strangling, threatening with a weapon, or anything that leaves physical wounds is... Read more
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