Perfectly Imperfect

Does anyone else have some messed up views?

Being taught one thing.

And now realizing…

It was all poppycock?

But the belief is deep.

And runs wild in your brain?

It can’t just be me.

But here I sit…

On my back porch.

Watching my thoughts.

They are going something like this…

I want people to like my book.

I want them to buy it.

Actually read it.

And then tell me they like it.

Oh no.

This is pride.

Pride comes before the fall.

And something about… God despising the proud.

You see, someone accused me the other day…

A stranger, of course…

Of “Just wanting to sell books.”

My spirit broke.

I felt weak.

Sick to my stomach.

Tears began to well up.

“I can’t do this, Kevin.”

“I’m not cut out for this author thing.”

“I just want to be a mom and grandma and forget about the book.”

“I would rather be safe than sorry.”

He smiled at me.

Like he does.

Told me to take some deep breaths.

Reminded me that it was ok to promote my book.

And then I remembered this story…

Our daughter was teenager.

She got to sing the national anthem at a Detroit Tiger’s game.

I know, right?

My dad was beside himself watching his granddaughter sing for his Tigers.

We all were.

Such a beautiful memory.

Later that year, one of my daughter’s youth leaders told her she had pride when she sang.

Again… she was thirteen.

The older woman told me I needed to watch out for a spirit of pride in her…

And that maybe my daughter wasn’t ready to use her gift.

She needed to learn humility first.

What?

What do you do with that?

What did I do with that?

Well, thankfully, there were enough other older people around to say, “Poppycock!”

Can you imagine?

Telling a child they have to have perfect intentions before they do anything.

I mean… for real.

Oh wait…

I see where these thoughts are taking me.

Can you imagine?

Telling anyone they have to perfect intentions before they do anything.

Before they write a book?

Before they put it out there?

I guess we would have to wait a long time for anyone to do anything.

Don’t get me wrong…

I did a serious “self check” that day.

I actually do that on most days.

And I so often come up short.

I find good reasons to not do anything that would make me feel pride.

Stay low, Karen.

God wants you low.

God wants you small.

Except…

Maybe that isn’t true.

Maybe it is time for me to be ok with not being perfect.

And also be ok with people knowing I’m not.

Call it what is.

Pride.

Selfishness.

People pleasing.

Yep.

All those things.

And I keep moving on.

I keep on keeping on.

Willing to be called out.

But, also leaning into my imperfectness.

My whole book is about being imperfect.

Perfectly imperfect.

Perfectly loved.

Just learning to believe it.

Oh… and here’s a link in case you want to read it.