I’ve been thinking about the threat of being asked to leave a church or other religious organization—and the power these threats can have over us. I would like to break the power of those threats, explicit or implied. In other words, I’d like to say this: Let them kick you out, if they really want to. I want more and more of us to find the courage to face that threat head-on. And to know that, if what we fear... Read more
Sometimes I feel the urge to try to prove my “good”ness. Many times, I resist this urge and choose not to try. Other times, I do try, but I’m not very good at it. It’s a self-defeating endeavor. Because, really, what’s a good person, anyway? It tends to be about how we are seen, more than who we are. It’s often an attempt to earn others’ love, attention, or approval. An effort to merit belonging. (Which, as I reflected on... Read more
Maybe you’ve been in a group of people when the conversation takes a turn. Someone says something a little unexpected. A little personal. A little vulnerable. And the rest of the group has a decision to make: Will we meet the person who chose to be vulnerable in that place? Or will we leave them hanging? Will we move right on to talk about something that seems more comfortable—or even mock or shame them for what they shared? Vulnerability Was... Read more
People often associate religion in general—and Christianity in particular—with shame, and for good reasons. Recently I’ve been exploring religion and shame from a couple different angles (saying “no” to religious shame and what religion can look like when it doesn’t shame). Today I’d like to take a third angle: exploring ways religion can dispel shame in our lives. In other words, to use Brené Brown’s language, exploring spirituality as shame resilience. From Fake Psychology Studies to Real-World Shame When I... Read more
Last week I wrote about learning to say “no” to religious shame, as part of what it takes to build our “no” muscles in general. I think it’s worth digging deeper into the idea of religious shame. In particular: What might religion that doesn’t shame look like? Switching Out the “Why”s When I worked for a college campus ministry organization, I was taught to reconsider some of the questions I might ask students. One example stuck with me: We were... Read more
When we talk about religious authority, we need to talk about how to resist that authority when necessary. This includes avoiding casually authoritarian language in church, recognizing that religious authorities are not God, learning to “authorize” ourselves, and, simply, learning to say “no.” One of the problems, though, with learning to say “no,” is that sometimes it comes with a side helping of shame. This shame might be mostly in our own minds. Or it might be something others are... Read more
A couple years back, when I was still pretty new at my current church, my pastor called me up and asked if I wanted to lead a short-term small group. I said I’d think about it. I thought about it. And it seemed pretty clear that the answer should be “no, thanks.” I’ve led lots of small groups before, and I’ve often enjoyed it. But I just didn’t have the energy for it at that time. The responsibility felt more... Read more
I’ve met a bunch of new-to-me people at church recently and have had the chance to hear a bit about where they’re coming from. I’m grateful for it. And I find myself telling myself this: It’s okay that we’re different. It’s okay that we’re thinking about things differently. It’s okay that we come from different backgrounds and have had different experiences of church. It’s okay that we’re all at our current church for different reasons. Everyone Wants Ethnic Diversity, But... Read more
Religious structures and systems are not God. And religious authority figures are not God. This is one of those things that feels like it shouldn’t need to be said. But I think it does. Because the lines between religious authorities and God can get blurry in all kinds of ways. And we need to discern clearly. A Call From God or From Your Supervisors? Many years ago, when I was working for a college campus ministry organization, my friend and... Read more
As we consider non-authoritarian ways of reading the Bible—as well as non-authoritarian ways of speaking in church, and more liberating ways of engaging with tradition—I also want to explore what non-authoritarian church structure and leadership could look like. In a wonky world of churchy authority, what does it look like to “authorize” ourselves? “What Are You Authorized To Do?” In my required leadership class in seminary, we had some guest lectures from a professor who was really into the idea... Read more
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